


The Awesome Trio gets Turnt

by Its_Not_Personal



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Awesome Trio (Hetalia), Crack, Drunk Bois, Gen, Humor, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 06:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15237318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_Not_Personal/pseuds/Its_Not_Personal
Summary: Prussia and Denmark find out America can’t legally drink alcohol in his own country. Luckily, they can just go to their nearest liquor store and drink at home.Long story short, there’s no coffee table on the right, Denver is dying, and France the Fabulous has a sword.





	The Awesome Trio gets Turnt

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know wtf turnt means.

“Wow, that meeting was even more boring than usual.” Prussia yawns, walking out of the building with Denmark and America. Another world meeting, as unproductive as always. 

“You don’t even have to do any of the paperwork.” Alfred scoffs.

“Hey, not my fault I’m dead.” Gilbert defends, shrugging.

“I feel like it was your fault one way or another. Everything is when you really boil it down.” Mathias smirks. Gilbert jokingly elbows his arm.

“I’m awesome, I never mess up...”

There’s a silence for hardly 2 seconds.

“Since we have nothing else to do, let’s go get shit-faced at a bar.” Gilbert says.

“Do you know any good ones?” Mathias looks to Alfred, who’s on the other side of Gilbert, “This is your capital after all,”

Alfred chuckles nervously, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets.

“Oh, I don’t really go to bars. I drink at home, by myself. I drink alcohol. Cause I’m of age to. Haha...”

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. 

“What alcohol do you drink?”

“Uh, beer...” 

“What brand?” 

Alfred stares at the concrete for a solid 5 seconds.

“The good one.”

“So, Versace?”

“Yeah, that-“

“Okay, so, I definitely know now you don’t drink beer.” Gilbert sighs, as they stroll down the sidewalk.

“What? How?” Alfred questions.

“Versace is a clothing brand...” Gilbert responds flatly.

“...”

“Let’s just go inside this bar,” Mathias suggests, walking up to the bouncer.

“I.D’s please,”

Mathias and Gilbert both show him theirs, but Alfred just stands on the sidewalk.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Mathias asks, putting his drivers license back in his pocket.

“Well, you see...I um, can’t exactly go into that bar. I’m technically 19 when it comes to my human age,”

“Yeah, so?”

“The legal drinking age here is 21,”

“Gottverdammt, are you serious?” Gilbert yells back.

Alfred nods. 

“Okay, you guys are gonna have to leave if you keep blocking the entrance,” the bouncer sighs.

“Ugh...” Mathias looks down for a second, before looking back up brightly, “I have an idea,”

So, Gilbert and Mathias leave the club they’d only stepped 4 feet into, and go to the nearest alcohol shop while Alfred waits outside.

————

They all arrive at Alfred’s apartment with cases upon cases of beer, a few other different types of alcohol, and a very long receipt in which Alfred refused to pay.

“Okay, so what brand do you want to try first?” Mathias digs through the bags.

“This is illegal,” Alfred points out, ignoring Mathias’ question.

“So are most of the things we do,” Prussia responds.

“Got me there,”

 

Denmark hands the two each a mug full of beer. Wait, where did he get mugs-

“Bottoms Up!” he smiles, raising his own mug to his mouth. 

He and Gilbert chug , while Alfred takes small sips since he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“France is gonna kill you guys if he finds out,” Alfred raises an eyebrow. Gilbert and Mathias simultaneously shrug.

“Oh well,”

—————

 

“I fuckinnnn *hic* love a-all of you, eeeevery *hic* one,” he slurs, tears rimming his cerulean eyes.

“Alfie, you okay dude?” Mathias hiccups after the question, while Gilbert is downing another mug.

“I just *hic* have a lot of *hic* feelings,” 

“Calm dooown man, I’m tipsy at most,” Gilbert states.  
He forgets that the coffee table is to his left and tries to put his mug down on the coffee table to the right.  
There’s no coffee table on the right.

After hearing the glass shattering, Alfred sobs:

“It’s fuckin broken *hic* just like my dreamsss,”

“That sounds really sad, bro,” Mathias comments, before trying to drink his beer. Since he’s not paying attention, he misses his mouth entirely.

“HOLY FUCK IT BURNS!” he screeches as the beer pours into his eyes. He jumps out of his seat. Gilbert runs over to the fridge and takes out a jug of milk.

“This should help, milk helps with spicy shit!” Gilbert pours the dairy over Mathias’ head, who starts choking on it.

“Don’t *hic* die on me!” Alfred cries, picking up his phone.

“SIRI, call an ambulance!” he shrieks at his device. 

“Calling Francis Fabulous...”

Ring ring

“Amérique it’s 11 PM-“

“I THINK *hic* DENVER IS DYING!”

“What-“

“HIS EYES ARE BURNING OUT *hic* AND RUSSIA DROPPED MILK *hic* ON HIM!” Alfred screams. 

Suddenly the door opens.

“Hey Al, I heard-“ Matthew stands there, staring at the absolute chaos unfolding in front of him. 

Gilbert is hitting Mathias ,who’s choking, with an empty gallon of milk. Mathias’s hair and clothing are drenched. Alfred is rolling on the floor crying, and screeching at his phone.

Aaaaand there are empty beer glasses and mugs everywhere.

“What in the name of maple is going on?”  
Hearing Matt’s voice, Alfred springs up and runs over to him.

“Mike! *hic* Denim is dying!” he cries, grabbing onto Matthew’s hoodie and burying his face in his chest.

“Wh- Mike? Alfred-“

“Matthieu is that you? What’s happening?” France asks from the phone. 

“I don’t know! Gilbert, stop hitting Mat, you’re only making things worse!” Matthew orders.

Gilbert immediately stops, dropping the empty jug of milk and backing away. Mathias falls to the floor coughing, before choking out an:

“I’m fine...”

Alfred runs over to hug him.

“Don’t you dare *hic* die again, Davie,” 

“Who’s Davie?” Mathias questions, though returning the hug.

“You, obviously,” Gilbert says, reaching for another beer. Matthew snatches it away.

“Hell no. You’ve all had enough,” he tosses the bottle into the trash can.

“But Miiiiiiikeeee-“ Gilbert whines.

“I’m not Mike!” 

“Wait, are they all drunk?” Francis’ voice from the phone is heard again.

“Yeah, I think so...”

“Even. Alfred?”

“Umm, yes...”

“Oh. Okay then.”

Francis hangs up. 

Matthew puts the phone down. 

“I don’t trust you two to walk home, so just sleep in the guest bedroom or something,” he says to Gilbert and Mathias.

“That is fair,” Mathias nods, stumbling into the closet and closing the door behind him.

“Hah, idiot,” Gilbert mutters, before walking into the kitchen and climbing onto the counter. 

Matthew shakes his head, dragging a weeping Alfred to his bedroom.

“Maaaaattttt, I can’t feel my *hic* ears....”

The Canadian sighs, tucking Alfred in his bed and turning him on his side.

“Whyyyyy? I like *hic* sleeping face *hic* down,”

“So you don’t suffocate on your own vomit. Goodnight, Alfred,” Matt sighs, walking out of the room.

“Okay *hic*, nighty-night...”

Matthew checks on the other two countries, making sure they were sleeping on their sides, and lastly, he puts a glass of water and aspirins next to all of them.

After that, he just crashes on the beer-stained couch.

————

The meeting the next day involves a very hungover Alfred with a massive headache, a worried Matthew asking Alfred how he was feeling, and a very pissed Francis chasing Mathias and Gilbert around with a sword.


End file.
